How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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