I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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