2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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