She's JV to your varsity
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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