His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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