Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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