just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
