69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
