I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
