Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
organizing the empties. That sober.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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