Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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