My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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