I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
