We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
