I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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