I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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