I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
