so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
