They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
