That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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