Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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