very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
