youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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