Don't make out with my wife yet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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