if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
