The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
