Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
