If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
