I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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