I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
