I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
