i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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