My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
