Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i've created a new STD.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize