i barfeds in our rink
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
