Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
