I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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