Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
