Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
