I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
