Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
