Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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