god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
