Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
