By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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