That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
bring money and cleavage
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
