quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
