it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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