Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
