Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
