In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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