one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
