Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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