He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
