My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
