billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
