I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
BRING THE BAGELS
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
