wat bout pragnant strippers??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
