Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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