No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
