i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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