i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
