I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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