Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm both gender and math confused
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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