so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You ruined the universe
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
