gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
