Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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