why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
