so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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