She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
