so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
