dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
