does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
