Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
