I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
