Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nutella sex= disaster
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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