i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
