I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
