so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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