Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
