Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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