would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
